i've longed to hear these words.

"you know what? i really love you."

when you hear these words whispered to you first thing in the morning,
you know nothing will go wrong throughout the day.

come to think of it,
nothing will go wrong for as long as you have faith and trust in those 4 last words.

love and apologies...

to know that he wants reconciliation and that he cares and loves,

makes all my days better.

a roller coaster, but i'm hanging on tight.

with my dear life...
and with all my might, and i know i will strive through this.
because i am strong, and patient, and understanding.



i haven't posted in awhile, but it's been a crazy roller coaster ride.
one i haven't been on in awhile.



Miss K, you are my confidante.
you are with me.
all the ups and downs, way downs.
deep down in the craphole some people put me in.
deep down in the pit where they've left me, broken into pieces.
those black days where everything brought me to tears.
and knowing i don't wanna be there, i hold myself together.
crying my heart out to you.
thank you for being my pillar when i needed one.
i cannot thank you enough for all that you do for me.
all i can do, is the same for you, when you need me.



again i am saying this, it feels like the storm could be over.
i guess it wasn't really over when i said it the last time.
i hope this time it's for real.

this is next part is for you.

we all just want this whole episode to be over.
settle what needs to settled. calmly, maturely, reasonably.
cut, burn, throw. do what needs to be done.
the sooner the better.
the sooner we can all get on with our lives.
stop going to and fro with things.
get it over and done with.

enough with the nonsense.

you gave up on what you had months ago. you gave up on everything you built. and you have no one to blame but yourself. you both got yourselves where it ended up. the ship has sailed, and i believe you cannot try and take back what is no longer yours. you guys tried, and it's not the same anymore.

as much as you think he as hurt you, you have hurt and destroyed him just as much,

and here i am, with all my heart for him, trying to put him back together. each day is another day with another thing we have to face. i am doing all i can for him, for him and i.

i admit, i felt like i was fighting a losing battle when you kept trying, and knowing he has not decided. it crushed me, and it hurt like hell. you made those days the worst ones i've had in years. but now, i am so sure and so confident that it is not the battle that i am going to win, but this war. a war i will fight til my last breath. something i know in my heart that is worth everything. because i value and love and trust him with all my heart, even though he has crushed and broken me time and time again. he deserves so much more. and i will give him what he deserves.

i will not make his life difficult, i will not make his life a living hell. you have done otherwise in the past weeks, so how can you say you love him?

like i said, cut ties, burn bridges, do whatever you want, so we can all just get on with our lives. he wants to leave this all behind just as much as you. you are asking him to let go? you have to too...

i came across this a couple of weeks ago...

do not be reckless with people's hearts,

and do not put up with those who are reckless with yours.

Dr Seuss advice

"Be who you are and do what you feel, for those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

at the moment.

we don't take proper photos. that's our thing.

what's is it worth?

worth every tear.
worth every heartache.
worth every minute.
worth every phonecall.
worth every ounce of energy.

worth every hug.
worth every smile.
worth every touch.
worth every moment.
worth every memory.


at the moment.

and...

remember, what goes around comes around.